All Too Flat : Serious : Ask The Fish

In an attempt to increase the frequency of updates to the site, we are adding yet another freaking blog. I don't know why we think this will increase the frequency of updates to site - we have at least three of the things anyway, and they are updated just about as often as Boston wins the World Series. But we try. Ask The Fish will now be done blog style, with new entries getting posted as soon as they are answered. Expect the same quality of advice that you have come to expect (from what is either a 800 lb halibut with a highly defined sense of irony, or one of four uber-geeks with nothing better to do on a Saturday night).

Got a question? Need advice? Ask the Fish! Use the Ask the Fish Form to submit a question!

New: Search the Ask the Fish archives!

Dear Ask the Fish,
"It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do

What's the next line???
-Friends

Dear Friends,
I'd like to begin this answer with a little quote:

Ask the Fish, and he'll know for a day

Teach a man to Google, and he'll know for a lifetime
That being said, this is an excellent example of master Google searching. You clearly do not know the name of the band or the song. So you type a line from the song into Google and what comes back? The following words are very common and were not included in your search: to what it is i in. Ain't that a bitch. Well here is a little trick we at ATF like to use. Put the line in quotes. That will force Google to only find matches of that line exactly.
Also, as long as you are using Google, you might as well use our Google Mirror Site.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
What is the meaning of Life Cereal?
-Fredegar

Dear Fredegar,
The meaning of life cereal is to trick kids into eating "nutritious" cereal, rather than "fun" cereal like "Cinnamon French Toast Crunch" or "Lucky Charms." Also, see the previous ATF question about killing Mikey.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
Don't you think it's strange that the site is "nba.com" and not "nba.net"? .net is so much more appropos, don't you think?
-Golden State Warriors Fan

Dear Golden,
We sent your question to a contact of ours at NBA.com. Below is a transcript of the letter we sent, followed by their respsonse:

---------------
Dear NBA.com,
I run an advice and general infomation column on the web. I recently received a question from someone, and thought it might be best to forward it to you. I'd greatly appreciate it if you could get back to me with a response.
Don't you think it's strange that the site is "nba.com" and not "nba.net"? .net is so much more appropos, don't you think?

Indeed it is: Why was this decision made? Thanks very much for your time.

-The Fish
---------------

And their response:

---------------
Thank you for contacting the National Basketball Association through NBA.com, the official web site of the NBA! Your questions and comments are very important to us. Although we may not respond personally to every e-mail, we value your opinion and read every suggestion in order to improve the quality of service fans have come to expect from the NBA.

Thank you,
NBA.com
---------------

I hope that answers your question.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
Now, I recognize that this is a pretty subjective question, but do your best, please. What do you think was the "best" killing in all of the seasons of The Sopranos (using your own judgement when contemplating what "best" might entail")?
-Little Pussy

Dear Little,
Well, we had some disagreements on this one. One of us voted for Richie Aprile. Not only was killing Aprile an incredibly deserved killing (Remember Beansie?), but also it was the one that resulted in the most levity: "We buried him. On a hill. With trees and flowers and acorns all around him. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE WHAT WE DID WITH HIS BODY?" and "Carmella, after 20 years of marriage, don't ask me to make you an accessory after the fact."
Another voted for Mikey. That guy was such a jackass, wasn't he?
Finally, one of us voted for that whore that Richie beat the crap out of. Don't worry; that pervert has officially been kicked out of Ask the Fish.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
where is connecticut? that is to say, in relation to NYC? is it a simple train ride away? how far? it's north, no? is getting to CT just like taking the LIRR or Metro North? Thanks, worky
-worky worky

Dear worky,
Woof. Something about maps.yahoo.com?
Well, CT is east of new york. Which is to say that NY is west of Connecticut. NYC is west south of Connecticut, which is to say that CT is northeast of NYC.
As far as getting to the Constitution State is concerned, most people don't. I suppose if completely necessary, you can get to certain places in CT via MetroNorth (New Haven and a bunch of other townships along the coast of the LI Sound). But again, unless you go to Yale, why bother? And if you do go to Yale, why do you go to Yale?
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
What do bunnies have to do with Easter?
-Jewboy

Dear Jewboy,
They lay the Cadbury Cream Eggs.
Duh.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
Did you know that there's a review of Star Wars episode II, Attack of the Clones, on Ain't it Cool News.com? Harry says it's the best SW yet! I've committed his review to memory and have decided to road trip it over to Seattle to join those two heroic visinaries who are already on line to see it. Gosh, this flick will be better than that hand job I got in 11th grade from that ugly slut "easy Jenny"!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!
-Lord of the Geeks

Dear Lord,
That had not occurred to us Dude.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

Dear Ask the Fish,
Whats up with that guy asking for pictures of Dara? (Ask The Fish, March 17, 2002) I oughta give him a piece of my mind. What should I do to the punk? To add insult to injury... Im about 93 percent sure thats me you cropped out of the picture of Dara. Have you no dignity?
-Dara's boyfriend

Dear Dara's,
The answers to your questions in the order that you asked them:

Well, she is a hottie.

I think you should send him a virus. His IP address is 206.215.13.30 and his name is "Looking."

You've seen our website and still ask about our dignity? Clearly the answer to this one is obvious.
-ATF

06 Oct 2002

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