Dear Ask the Fish,
Why does the strange vegetable thingy still have its own page? Shouldn't it have gone the way of Kennybathroom by now (i.e. down the Johnny Crapper)?
-Won't Eat His Vegetables If They Have Plastic Eyes

Dear Won't,
You make an excellent point. Done and done.
-ATF

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Dear Ask the Fish,
In the introduction to the Daily Rant, you claim that the DR is a place for "the good men and women" of ATF to post. Which women would those be?
PS: Here's hoping it's the girl wearing the ATF shirt in the Store.
-Where are the Wimmins?

Dear Where,
According to the new FCC regulations on internet political correctness, Section 5, Sub 23, paragraph 5, an online entertainer may not "make any references to workers, common board members, or executive board members (hereafter referred to as Employee), past or present, that exclude the possibility that said Employee might be of any sex, racial background, religion, or sexual preference. This is the case regardless of the fact that a specific individual might in fact only belong to a single assignment of the aforementioned classes or groups, regardless of how deviant or miserable the lifestyle they have chosen/have had thrust upon them is."
Another, somewhat more concise, answer to your question might be "Your mom." Again, as conforming to the FCC regulations, this would have to be worded as "Your mom or dad."
-ATF

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Dear Ask the Fish,
WHERE'S MANFRED MANN'S EARTH BAND?
-Need-To-Know in NYC

Dear Need-To-Know,
Manfred Mann's Earth Band is not currently on tour, however you can catch them in Germany in May. For more information please visit: http://www.manfredmann.co.uk/on_stage/mantour2000.html
-ATF

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Dear Ask the Fish,
Given the choice, would you rather be an elf, a human, or a dwarf?
-dwarven elfman

Dear dwarven,
An excellent question! However, the question is somewhat poorly defined, as we have to be aware that elves and dwarves are defined in very different ways as one looks at different mythos; the answer would be different if we were considering the races as definied in Prachetts Diskworld novels rather than the more common conceptions of the races as drawn from the fundamental fantasy worlds of Gary Gygax. For the sake of brevity, we will assume that you were asking "Given the choice, would you rather be an elf, a human, or a dwarf as definied in Tolkien's world of Middle-Earth?" as this is currently the most popular fantasy world in todays popular culture.
Given that, the Alltooflat team gave a unified response of "Elf." Best race ever: mostly because, unlike humans, elves live ostensibly forever; also, unlike dwarves, elven maidens don't have beards.
-ATF

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Dear Ask the Fish,
How can I purchase Laura's fish? My Add to Cart button doesn't seem to be working. Please advise. I'm hungry.
-Riot Soam

Dear Riot,
As we mentioned in the item description, the supplies of Laura's fish are very limited. That being the case, we have to be extremely selective in who we allow to access the Alltooflat secure server for purchases of the aforementioned piscean rarity. Using near-miraculous .NET technology, we at ATF were able to generate a personal profile which, unfortunately, labeled you as unsuitable as a candidate for the purchasing of Gingy D. Fish. This was the reason that you were unable to click through the Add to Cart button.
Although we leave the final decision up to the ATF AI, possible reasons for your disallowance could include an intimation that you were planning on ingesting the product asked for. This sort of behavior is only permitted with the broccoflower and/or the Halibut tie (made of real halibut!)
-ATF

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Dear Ask the Fish,
How much limburger cheese can one human consume in one sitting? I've always wanted to know.
-Too Much Cheese on my Hands

Dear Too,
Good question. We decided to give it a try. The plan was for each of us to eat as much limburger as we could and then take the average to get the amount for an average person. We also decided this would be a great event to photograph and post on All Too Flat. Unfortunately, the only limburger we had access too was the leftover Jerusalimburger. If you check out that photo, I think you'll understand that the answer is none.
-ATF

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