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Ask the Dog - 05/8/2002
In an attempt to increase the frequency of updates to the site, we are adding yet another freaking blog. I don't know why we think this will increase the frequency of updates to site - we have at least three of the things anyway, and they are updated just about as often as Boston wins the World Series. But we try. Ask The Fish will now be done blog style, with new entries getting posted as soon as they are answered. Expect the same quality of advice that you have come to expect (from what is either a 800 lb halibut with a highly defined sense of irony, or one of four uber-geeks with nothing better to do on a Saturday night).

Oh where, oh where has my little Fish gone? As you can probably guess, the Fish has been feeling under the water for the past few weeks. Since we couldn't keep our loyal fans (fan?) waiting, we decided to outsource Ask the Fish this week to our good friend the Dog. So without further ado, we give you this week's

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    Dear Ask the Fish,
    halibut,some questions
    -klez

    Dear klez,
    What a pain in the ass!
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Ozzy Osbourne: a pathetic, wasted freakshow stipped of all dignity who's become his own worst parody, or cooler than ever?
    -High Commander

    Dear High,
    I don't know that he actually has the capability of being any cooler than he was. I mean, the man sang Iron Man for Crissake. But definitely The Osbournes has done nothing to reduce the incredible coolosity of the most metal man over 50 (regardless of what washed-up rocker Ted Nugent has to say.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    will i die?
    -andrew

    Dear andrew,
    According to http://8ball.federated.com, "As I See It, Yes"
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    I am trying to find the words to Burke & Van Huesen song Top O The Morning, from the old movie with the same name, can you help? Thanks a lot.
    -Gwendoline Amato

    Dear Gwendoline,
    I remember it quite well. I believe Bing Crosby sang that little number, right? Anyway, it was quite difficult to find the lyrics online. Instead, here are the lyrics to the House of Pain version of the song. While I haven't looked at words closely, I can't imagine them being very different from the original ones written by Johnny Burke in 1945.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    I want an .mp3 of a specific Grateful Dead show. Please help. Note that the Dead fully support file sharing and trading their shows, so it isn't a legality issue. I just can't find it. I've tried audiogalaxy, kazaa (lite), and the further network with no luck. Grateful Dead, RFK Stadium, 07/16/94 and 07/17/94, with Traffic as the opening band.
    Thanks Fish!
    -Jerry

    Dear Jerry,
    http://www.resourcesfortraders.com/mp3exchange/mp3exchange.html
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    What do you think of Netscape 7? Any good?
    -Microsucks

    Dear Microsucks,
    There's some good features - tabbing to different pages (each with their own history) in the same browser window is pretty handy. But lots of browsers are starting to do that - Opera, for example, and Chimera (from the Mozilla people - also a fast browser, but only for Mac OS X). Initial tests of the Wintel and OS X preview release reveal that 7 is significantly faster than 6 - not faster than other browsers, but a huge improvement.

    The bad: You still have to sign in as your "Screen Name", which connects to their "Registration Server", which is a HUGE pain. Also, it uses AOL Instant Messenger. Also, the Windows installation impolitely adds shortcuts to AOL, RealPlayer, Media Player, and Netscape to the desktop AND to the shortcut bar (or whatever that thing is called at the bottom of the screen), without asking first.

    Overall: If you want a browser, why not just get a browser, not something that has a mail program, IM, HTML editor, radio, and all kinds of junk connected to it? Why not use something faster? Why not Opera?
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Do New Yorkers refer to subway lines by color? I mean, if I told you to take the Blue Line to Penn Station, would you know I meant the ACE? Or would you say to me "Where do you think you are? Boston?"
    -John Rocker

    Dear John,
    I have no idea. No, they do. Remember in the Royal Tenenbaums, where Richie rides the Green Line bus? I think they refer to subways like that too.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Will a beta fish and 4 goldfish get along if placed in the same aquarium?
    -Fsh

    Dear Fsh,
    I think it depends on how long the beta fish spent in the test portion of the development process...
    But seriously, no. Betas are classified as "very aggressive". If you put two male betas in the same tank, they'll fight 'til the death. (Even without light sabers. Speaking of which, Yoda is Yoda, and if he wants to kick the living crap out of Lord Saruman, I mean, Count Poopoo, why didn't he do it?) If you have a pacifist beta, or possibly a female, the goldfish ("somewhat aggressive") will peck the beta's fins until it dies. Personally, I'd go with an halibut.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Let's say I stab someone in the shoulder with a dart. Repeatedly. For days (or weeks). Will it kill them, and if so, what will they most likely die from first, and how long will it take?
    -chiropracter

    Dear chiropracter,
    Loss of blood, shock, tetanus - are you assuming that this person is going to submit to being poked with a dart repeatedly, and they're not going to break out a light saber and...
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    If the three of you were a different "dad" from Full House, who would you each be and why?
    -Mary Kate and Ashley

    Dear Mary,
    Ben - Danny, because he's tall and has dark hair and would enjoy hosting a show where people got hit in the crotch with footballs.
    Ton - Joey, because he's cute and fuzzy and sticks chopsticks up his nose.
    KennyB - Jesse, because he's the bad boy of the fish troika and will probably have a motorcycle one day.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Cruel Intentions III? Think it's gonna happen? or should I direct my efforts elsewhere?
    -Sebastion

    Dear Sebastion,
    (Kate:) I mean, puh-leese, who cares?

    (Ken adds:) I would direct my efforts towards getting a lightsaber and jedi costume. Then you could make any movie you wanted!
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Would that Everclear song "Wonderful" rock if the lyrics weren't so god awful wussy? Or am I way out in left field on this one?
    -MIX106.5

    Dear MIX106.5,
    It depends on how you define "rock". It's a fun song to listen to, but that doesn't mean it rocks. Even if the lyrics were the opposite of wussy, it probably still wouldn't rock. I think Everclear will be forever stuck in the non-rocking alternapop genre.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    How much does it suck that the Mavs are out of the playoffs?
    -Depressed in Dallas

    Dear Depressed,
    Almost as much as that duck joke!
    -ATF

    26 May 2003



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    What is the best electronic gadget / accessory in the past 10 years? I have my opinion, but I was wondering if I was right.
    -compgeek

    Dear compgeek,
    You know that thing, that when you push the button it says a swear word? I'd have to go with that.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



    Dear Ask the Fish,
    Alright, what's the deal with digital theaters & projectors? Is it worth seeing Star Wars II in a digital theater? will I notice?
    -Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi

    Dear Obi-Wan,
    (Kate:) It's only being shown in digital-sound/THX theaters. As for digital projection, this from the StarWars.com site: "If you want to see Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones as the filmmakers truly intended it to be seen, you have to see it projected digitally." I would take George Lucas' advice on that one.

    (Ken:) I don't know anything about digitial theaters. But you should DEFINITELY go see Episode II. You will definitely notice you're watching it.
    -ATF

    06 Oct 2002



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