I was watching Shaun of the Dead the other night. It was great, go see it. I'm not telling you anything you don't know when I say it's about zombies. That's all I'll say about that particular movie, so don't worry about any spoilers. I do want to say a few about zombie movies in general, and their relationship to my good friend Sean. I feel am I qualified for this discussion because (a) I've watched a lot of horror movies, particularly zombie movies, (b) I've known Sean for what is now the better part of my life and have spent a fair amount of time with him, and (c) a good portion of the time I've spent with Sean was spent watching horror movies. Particularly of the zombie variety. In fact, there's a possibility that the relationship between Sean and zombies is the thing about which I am best qualified to discuss. I've spent more time thinking about the Sean/Zombie intersection than I care to think, and definitely more than just about anyone else in the world (except, possibly, Sean). Honestly, I could write a god-damn PhD dissertation on it.

In every zombie movie, there's a period of time when the protagonist is moving from not believing there are zombies attacking the world, to a full and complete understanding of just how fucked everything has gotten. The length of time varies from movie to movie, but it's always there. It's a just a maxim of the genre, and honestly a valid assessment of human nature. No matter what the circumstance, we are much happier looking at facts and not believing their conclusions if that permits us to hold on, if just for a little longer, to our current world view.

The thing I love about Sean (well, one of the things) is that, were he to be thrown into a situation where actual zombies (of any variety - shambling, speedy, gruesome, ironic, representative, comic relief) were attacking, the period of time in between the beginning of the crisis and the internal realization thereof would be nil. It's literally the first thing that pops into his head when anything out of the ordinary happens. You may have heard that humans have developed physiological structures in their ocular paths that do edge detection, so edges of things jump out at you and make visual scenes easier to parse. Sean has something analagous, but instead of helping with his visual acuity, it aids in determining the zombie-ness of any situation. An actual zombie passing through his sphere of awareness would stick out like a fully decked out drag queen at a ladies steam bath.

He and I actually have a great relationship when it comes to apocalyptic events. I know that in just about any kind of End-Of-Times type events that involve the supernatural in any way shape or form, I want to have Sean around. It's not only that he has a quick and nimble mind and is able to adapt well to quickly changing circumstances (when they involve the undead); it's also because that quick and nimble mind has spent hundreds of hours thinking about End-Of-Times type events that involve the supernatural. It's like he's been in training for it his entire life. I sometimes think that if it finally happens, he'll be the happiest guy running for his life. It's my understanding that there is something of a reciprocity here - Sean knows that in any situation like I mentioned (alien attack, zombie invasion, onslaught of the zombie alien gorillas) that he wants to be holing up in my house, due to fact that we exercise our second amendment rights. We'd make a good team, him and I.

A couple of other things to say, but I think it's better to leave it at a brief character sketch of my friend. Stay tuned for some other crap you aren't particularly interested in!


UPDATE: 10-6-2004@3:30PM
I just got the following messages from Sean, in re: this blog entry:

--------first message---------
Oh, YOU. I'm blushing.

Seriously, thank you for the kind words. And I say that not just as a friend, but as someone who on Monday night sat and thought out what objects in his apartment would be most useful against zombies. (Answers: The wooden dowel that we use to wedge the sliding door to the deck shut; that really big knife; my landlord's kitanas.)

--------second message-----------------
When we make contingency plans for zombie apocalypses, we take for granted that the familiar head-shot scenario will apply--that is, if you destroy a zombie's brain by shooting, stabbing, bashing, or burning his head in, he will die. What if that's not in fact the case? We'd have to figure out what part of their bodies to shoot pretty quickly.


Seriously, I love this guy.