PREFACE: CONTRIBUTION
I’ve got it--every day
I’ll write some haiku about
Wasting time at work!

POLITICS MAKES FOR STRANGE BEDFELLOWS
Andrew Sullivan,
Gay conservative Catholic
(I like Hitchens, too)

FRUSTRATION
Web-based AOL
Don’t you know who I am yet?
Lousy interface

DARTS
We stopped playing when
My boss noticed the countless
Holes in the plaster

WEDNESDAY
Midtown Comics’ site
Has a list, but I go to
Jim Hanley’s, though.

DIET COKE
Is Nutra*Sweet a
Carcinogen? I hope not.
That was my fourth can

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES
I see more nude men
In a given day than most
Locker-room staffers

TECHNOLOGICAL MARVEL
Only two megs left
My IPod’s limitation?
Way too much Bowie

WEDNESDAY II
That one Asian girl
Is nice, but that black dude is
A Grade-A asshole

NOSTALGIA
The Savage Dragon
Message Board? It’s been a while.
I kinda burned out.

CO-WORKER
If we had a ball
Of some kind--Nerf, perhaps--I
Wouldn’t punch his head

STYMIED
I spent good money
On those "Easy Rider" mags.
Can’t I hang them up?

CLARIFICATION
Okay, so when I
Said "I spent good money," I
Meant A&F did

SATISFACTION
O havarti cheese
You transform my tuna melt
Sandwich of the Gods

REPETITION, OR:
CORPORATE CONTROL OF MAJOR NEWS MEDIA OUTLETS
Same goddamn stories
On all the network news sites.
Nice reporting, guys!

SNOOD
I stopped enjoying
This a half hour ago now.
I hate those square guys.

DELUGE
Every toilet here
Is leaking onto the floor.
Now my pants are wet.

THE ONION
Am I the only
Person who’s noticed this is
The world’s slowest site?

UPCOMING NUPTIALS
I’m uncomfortable
Buying invitations from
Sites with broken links

UPCOMING NUPTIALS II
How will I pick a
Tuxedo out anyway?
I wear pink with red

SUNSET
It’s a simple joy
To see the golden sun’s rays
Light up the buildings

SUNSET II
I’d like to go home
But my idiot cohorts
Came in three hours late

SELF-AWARENESS
I complain a lot
But I could always turn off
The damn computer.

ALLTOOFLAT.COM
Broken links, I feel,
Are simply a challenge for
You three to surmount